chardmonster

So here we are.

MakingExcuses is playing some kind of football game in her pajamas.

Plates are... hovering.

Biohazard girl is apparently carrying Biohazards in her labcoat---look at the top right.

Outside, summoned by angry viewers, stands the new, bewildered FandomsecretsHouse admin.

THE FUCK IS THIS?

THE EVERLIVING FUCK?

Oh thank fucking god a poorly designed furniture nook to hide in. You've sure gotten yourself into a predicament, Case! This is no place for an innocent young wooper!

Case surveys his new habitat. Unfortunately most of what he can see is just Noodle's ass.

This leaves both of them something to be desired.

Well, there's nothing to be done. When you go to prison, it's a good idea to beat someone up as soon as you get there. Proves you're tough. So, who's weak?

YOU. YOU THERE. TOMABONOCHI! THE HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF ENGLAND! YOU!

No, wait, first I have to groom myself adorably.

YOU, THERE.

DO I GOT TO FREEZE A BITCH?

YEAH

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. Case and the Human Embodiment of England are now sworn enemies.

Okay, sure, I'll sniff your hand, whatever.

It smells like doo doo tho

So HAVE AT YOU

LAME ASS HETALIA MOTHERFUCKER

WHY AM I EVEN HERE?

OH GOD IS THIS WATER? THIS IS ALL WATER? FUCK

"You a chicken! CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP," adds Noodle, helpfully.

YAY KITTIES

It's a short one this time around--didn't get a chance to play earlier.

When we last left GreenVelvetCake she was gorging herself on ice cream. It doesn't seem to have improved her mood.

She begins ranting about something or other. Silverau is hungry despite the presence of a large pile of AUTUMN SALAD, swiftly becoming the staple dish of FandomSecrets House. Biohazard is concerned. The Human Embodiment of England is still failing to attract the mechanic. Dammit, man. He isn't even a bear. He is at best an otter. I can make you a bear. I can name it Siberia or something. Is there an Iceland?

Greece? Greece is probably another fucking bougey bishie, isn't he? Dammit.

SIlverau remembers the fire. Fingal politely asks she shut the fuck up. Noodle makes it home and is immediately yelled at. WHY IS THE PLUMBER STILL HERE IF HE'S SO UNHAPPY

Fingal collapses in a dirty puddle.

I make her at least wake up to answer her goddamn cell phone. What's this?

Dammit, Molly, that's not how it works. You've negged her sorely, now you must wait until she is too consumed by self-loathing not to desire your healing penis/penis substitute. You will never be a pickup artist.

That's none of my concern, though. Fingal naturally high tails it the fuck over to the Science Center. For some reason Molly is waiting between it and some kind of dirty creek rather than out front like a normal person.

Did we mention that Fingal is incredibly exhausted and suffering from crippling boob odor? She's also pretty damn surly. Molly isn't feeling it at first.

Fingal doesn't really help matters. It doesn't help that Molly is brainnumbingly boring in real life. I mean, sure, Cuntula the Dark Mistress from ShangrilaMush wore all black and spike heels and pointy bras but this is just drab as hell. A dirty apron? Really?

Good thing Fingal always wears skorts.

She does wake up eventually, though. Unfortunately it's as the goddamn Science Center closes. At least they still let them inside for a portrait, which seems utterly pointless but whatever, man. Whatever.

After they're finished with that Fingal starts her usual routine of crass innuendos.

"Hey baby, I'm gonna dip deep into your hot salsa."

"And then... we'll take some pichers. Whadaya say?"

And does it work? You bet. Molly's all over that. Fingal smiles. She's in.

Molly French wants the C

Back home a horrified teenage friend of either Biohazard or Silverau gapes in horror

MakingMistakes's anal plug starts buzzing. Oh MakingMistakes! That was a mistake indeed!

Noodle immediately goes out to mack on the waifish teenager. Would you be interested in some Game of Thrones cosplay? You can be Daenerys , and I can be the guy who angers Tumblr.

Oh shit my bladder.

Oh look Fingal's home!

Siiiigh.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Noodle and Daenerys end up in the crude barracks, which isn't awkward at all. Fingal dreams of Molly. The plumber is STILL HERE

Noodle and Daenerys practice vogueing. Chard wakes up and engages the plumber, who is still here. Floors are for suckers.

"Fuck it what the hell is even in this Game of Thrones book he gave m---OH MY GOD."

"THIS IS INCREDIBLY EROTIC! ACTUALLY MY ENTIRE FETISH IS DUBCON"

Meanwhile on Tumblr

#OUTRAGEDANDDISSAPOINTED #rapeculture #whywontanyonerespondtomybdsmkinkmeme

Previously on FandomSecrets House

When we last left our heroes:

The Human Embodiment of England has no idea what's going on. There's Noodle in his underwear. Chard and GreenVelvet are complaining about the lack of food despite there being an entire meal RIGHT THERE. MakingMistakes is having an incredibly loud and uncomfortable bowel movement. This isn't what he signed up for. This is horrible. He has a breakdown.

PHONES!

MOTHERFUCKING PHONES! Peter lightly jabs Biohazard's boob.

THEY INVENTED THESE PHONES YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR PANTS

CELL-PHONES

But n1curr :(

Fingals Anteater suffers the pain of boob odor.

She schemes to seduce Peter while BIohazard completely abandons him to the smelly adults and goes to sleep. Fuck you too Biohazard

A boy learns the bitter truths of manhood

InsaneNoodlyGuy has one of his characteristic plumbing related ragefits. ~~UNF SHOULDERS~~

"Sssh. It's okay. We'll bang, okay?"

MakingMistakes just flat out takes a bath while Noodle fixes the toilet. So logical and businesslike!

Chard promptly pisses herself.

LAUGH AT ME, WILL YOU?

The fire itself was pretty unremarkable and quickly contained. Biohazard's a wimp and was traumatized anyway.

Fingal is tired of this shit. She's needs a distraction. A release.

She is going to cyberfuck some bitches. She immediately logs into ShangrilaMUSH as Cell'e'bryan, the Elven Bondage Maiden.

The result, dear reader, is the saddest Sim memory I have ever seen.

Naturally Fingal feels a bit dirty.

FUCK IT. Her name's Molly French, right? Molly French. Fingal immediately Facebook stalks her. "Works at Single Mothers' House." Well. that sounds a bit shady but FUCK IT FINGAL'S MAKING THIS REAL.

Fingal immediately macks on some hot MILF

She then barges right inside.

Undeterred by the unannounced arrival of Cell'e'bryan The Bondage Maiden, Dark Mistress Cuntacula adapts.

Fingal immediately takes it to the bedroom. "It's okay. The kid can stay. I'm an exhibitionist."

But Molly French negs her.

Molly French negs her about as hard as a woman can possibly BE negged.

But Fingal's like whatever man, you'll come round.

Back at the house Noodle wakes up.

Chard indulges in her standard Rocky Horror fap fantasy.

Fingal is making herself comfortable.

She even helps herself to a snack.

She then attempts to merge consciousnesses with the hot MILF. Sssh. It's okay.

EMBRACE ETERNITY

Meanwhile, while the director was forgetting to take screenshots, Chard and Noodle decided to go to the gym together. Except for some reason Chard has to run. What?

MOTHERFUCKER I TOLD YOU I HAD TO PEE BEFORE WE LEFT. I ALWAYS HAVE TO PEE FIRST. AND FIND MY SHOES AND FIX MY HAIR AND THEN PEE AGAIN YOU KNOW THE FUCKING DRILL NOODLE! GOD

Anyway Noodle makes a new friend.

Noodle swiftly has another bathroom ragefit.

But it's cool man. Nah, it's cool. I am the Page of Plumbing. It's cool.

Oh dear god what am I wearing

Chard shakes it like a Polaroid picture, by which I mean obsoletely.

Noodle continues his toilet rage outside the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Fingal hungers after phallic objects.

The single moms stare on, disgusted.

No I do not want to discuss tentacle rape I prefer vore

Say that to my face bitch and see what happens

Meanwhile Noodle is laying it on a bit thick.

Oh what the everliving fuck has been going on in my absence. How many people have pissed themselves now?

Oh well. I'll just order some people to pissmop duty and others to take baths and everything will be what

what

YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME YOU HOMESHIT